Happy Birthday Never ENding Obsession!

Never Ending Obsession has an AMAZING 3rd Birthday giveaway!!! you can find it here! http://neverendingobsession.blogspot.ca/2013/03/never-ending-obsession-3rd-birthday.html

This Show. ALWAYS with the Dirty, Bloody Poopy Ass.

sarah has joined

Snip has joined

9:58 PM sarah: hiiiii

me: WTF IS THIS VIDEO

sarah: Scary

9:59 PM me: First of all

you are not allowed

to try and be sexy

me: when you are photographed

on a near-daily basis

10:00 PM with Cheeto stains

on your crackhead weave.

10:01 PM Snip: "You like the boobs?!"

me: thank god its only acceptable to do that with boobs. I'm so glad no one does that with vaginas.

10:02 PM

sarah: Maybe he beat some sense into her and that's why she left

WOW

I'll stop now

me: Whoa he is smoking?

WOW

Snip: He is messed up

me: OH MY GOD HOW BOUT THE "STOP TALKING" SITUATION

Snip: Like, on drugs.

10:03 PM me: But my thing is:

...he looks to robust to actually be on anything.

sarah: Oooomg

Snip: I love their analogies tho

sarah: SHUT UP

They really do have the best analogies.

Snip: "It's like asking a sailor to fly a plane"

"Or trying to treat herpes with suntan lotion"

me: Michael Bolton?

Knucka really is 45.

10:04 PM sarah: Annd she KEEPS going back to him

arrrrrrg

Snip: Um yes, she pretty much has been abused

10:05 PM and MTV pays him the big bucks to do so, which is sick.

(says a person who watches it...guilty!)

me: Ronnie Magro. Wearing a Kill your TV shirt.

10:06 PM On Jersey Shore

sarah: I LOVE that shirt!

me: I think he just created the paradox that will end the world.

sarah: It's sad that they don't understand irony.

Ok, how long til he's hooking up with someone else?

Snip: About 16 minutes into the episode.

10:07 PM me: I love you Pauly

sarah: I give 20?

me: Nothing is heavy in Pauly D's world.

Snip: Okay this real world commercial

sarah: I love Pauly D.

Snip: The girl says, "I don't ride cars; I ride boys"

10:08 PM You don't ride a car, moron

You drive one

or ride IN one

me: HAHAHAHAHA

10:09 PM Snip: this is what happens when stupid reality show people try to have catch phrases

(see: Situation)

I blame Tim Gunn

me: I blame Tim Gunn for a lot of things

Snip: I still love him

10:10 PM me: he lost my respect when he became the face of Spanx

sarah: I've never seen the show with Tim Gunn

I am a sucky girl...

Hey, some of us need spanx.

We're not all skinny pants like you.

10:11 PM me: That sentence was priceless

"So we decide Yo, lets throw cake in Vinny's hair"

sarah: I love that they call themselves meatballs.

me: I believe you. I believe that was a carefully

deliberated decision.

sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

10:12 PM Snip: Annnd he breaks the balloon....

sarah: You could put all their brains together and it wouldn't equal Neanderthal man...

Snip: Eeew poop!

sarah: I wish they had decided yo, let's put cake in Pauly D's hair!

Snip: Ohh she hid!

Nice move.

me: It would never come out?

sarah: I KNOW

10:13 PM It would be amazing.

me: WOW nice visible thong after 2001 Deena.

sarah: you sound surprised

Oh HEYYYY

You don't mess with the sleepy time toy!!

10:14 PM See, this is sad.

Snip: I have blankies

I would also be very upset

10:15 PM me: he looks like hes about to belch
sarah:I have a stuffed puppy I would also be very upset.

me: They did exactly that to my Kermit in college.

Snip: aww

10:16 PM do you still have Kermit?

Man, mike keeps ruining guy code

10:17 PM me: I don't. He disintegrated into his polyester core.

10:18 PM me: You know,

Taco Bell,

its fucking bad enough you make a burrito with Fritos in it

me: Spelling with 3's is just insult to injury

10:19 PM me: I had one of my Boss' BK french fries and it tasted like a sock that had been in the freezer since 1979.

10:20 PM sarah: Yeah

Their food leaves weird residue taste in my mouth.

Aaand that's what she said...

10:21 PM me: BAAAAH

EEW

WTF MTV

sarah: Soooooooo nasty

me: WTF WTF WTF WHHHHHYYY????

sarah: That was a proud moment.

10:22 PM me: That's pretty epic...

I'd appreciate it more if I wasnt trying to set my eyeballs on fire now.

sarah: It's fairly standard Sarah.

10:23 PM Snip: Has Jwoww had lipo?

sarah: Hmm.

Maybe?

10:24 PM C-section???

Oh vom.

They're all so over it.

Snip: Oh man.

me: Chocolate is always the answer to spousal abuse you guys!

10:25 PM sarah: Totes!

Snip: IF it comes with a teddy bear and roses.

sarah: It's a process to be a Situation.

10:26 PM THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!

me: LMAO

Snip: He gets his eyebroes waxed.

That was a typo, but I stand by it.

"Eyebroes" = bros with waxed brows.

me: I bet homey has some SPECTACULARLY groomed nuts.

I bet his nuts could walk Westminster.

sarah: I will bet you anything they all wax their chests also

Snip: Ew.

sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAH

10:27 PM Awesome. Regan and I are on the same scary page again.

10:29 PM me: I feel like i may have jumped ten pages ahead of you but yeah.

sarah: Nuts was next.You beat me to it.

10:30 PM me: NU JOISY

I never noticed that before.

sarah: Are they really all this freaking stupid?

me: ...Yes?

sarah: Oh yeah.

I've seen that.

It's ridic, as the kids say.

me: Pls tell me you guys saw the jersey shore rpg on collegehumor.com

10:31 PM sarah: Uh-huh.

Jenni and Sam are besties now.

10:32 PM me: "Snooki faints"

So cute.

10:33 PM sarah: Yay analogy!

Every time there's an awesome analogy, do a shot.

10:34 PM It is very telling that jersey shore is also brought to you by Taco Bell.

Can I just geek out for a minute about this movie?

It looks amazing...

10:35 PM ...and if it sucks, I will be sooooo sad.

me: Wait what movie I missed it????

sarah: Suckerpunch

10:36 PM me: Oh yeah, Zack Snyder owes me for Watchmen.

sarah: Watchmen wasn't that bad.

"Fresh to death"

awesome!

10:37 PM me: Is he carrying the drawers with a fork?

sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Amazing.

Snip: They are blurring the panties,

SO. gross.

sarah: They must be naaaaaaasty

me: ..but dude

this show...

ALWAYS with the dirty, bloody, poopy ass.

10:38 PM sarah: Klassy.

I kinda think they're Deena's

Snip: Good Song!

sarah: "I look like trailer trash"

10:39 PM Welcome to self-awareness.

me: LMAO

OMG never in my life would I sit with a bunch of boys and talk about my constipation.

sarah: HELL no.

me: Granted, I poop like the atomic clock.

10:40 PM Actually, who am I kidding. The atomic bomb.

sarah: what is she wearing?

me: Why do you even still bother asking?

She's wearing whatever she found that was sparkly.

sarah: **sigh**

10:41 PM me: Motherfucker looks like Don Knotts Pauly...

...you good.

Oh man Ron looks like hes been crryyyyyyying.

10:42 PM sarah: Sloppipotamus!

10:43 PM Man, if my roommate ever tried to come in and bug me while I was entertaining guests, I would have to kill her.

I don't understand why it's ok?

me: this movie is more like "Drive Filthy"

sarah: That movie is going to be more atomic clock poop than you could ever produce.

10:45 PM me: LMAO

Snip: Is one of the Olsen twins in this "beastly" movie?

me: I sort of wish the IRS would give Nicolas Cage a break so he would stop making movies.

10:46 PM sarah: I was trying to figure out who those people are.

It's Mary-Kate Olsen.

10:47 PM me: MARIO BROTHER

sarah: Also, NPH is in it, so I will totally see it.

OH SHIT

This is her *boyfriend*

like, they are still together.

10:48 PM Snip: What a great way to meet!

sarah: Hee!

"sloptart"

me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

sarah: oh deena, you are so drunk

10:49 PM Snip: Ewww! Eww! What are those pink discs on the grill?

me: She already has such a Grandma walk.

10:50 PM Right?

Also, whatever that pink disc was..

I don't think its gonna cook on top of another pink disc.

Snip: Haha!

10:51 PM sarah: Jersey Shore is going good with the movie ads tonight.

I really have to say.

Hit that target audience.

10:52 PM I want to do roller derby, but I don't like getting hurt.

me: So, two things about this movie:

Emily Blunt has had so much stuff done to her face

and Frank Langella has a 13 inch peen....

discuss.

10:53 PM sarah: I have no idea who Emily Blunt is, I don't remember ever seeing her in anything

I just always see her name.

also, go Frank Langella

he's also like 80

10:54 PM me: He could still get it in a quick second.

sarah: Hee!

me: Fucking-

why is every woman in every commercial for everything

SO EXCITED

10:55 PM I love my dry shampoo

I do not throw my hat about it.

10:56 PM Of course you will kick the door Mungo, you like to kick shit.

sarah: Dude-

10:57 PM me: Yo what is his tattoo? A Pottery Barn trivet?

Snip: They forgot the pink discs on the grill...

sarah: Why do they all do this

it's so weird...

Snip: I mean, I used to have pizza sometimes, in my younger days on the way home from the bar.

sarah: I think those are still the turkey burgers defrosting from three weeks ago?

Snip: ...but they treat it like a full meal.

10:58 PM sarah: Yeah, seriously-

when i get home drunk, the LAST thing I want to do is cook

and I love to cook.

10:59 PM Snip: He's wearing the white fossil watch

he bought it off Tbags or whatever her name was.

me: I'm still processing Mike dripping pickle on Vinny while hes fucking...

11:00 PM sarah: Ew.

me: Oh, I don't know who that band was

but that is an insult to Zombies.

Snip: The Limousines?

11:01 PM sarah: I'm not familiar...

but yeah, they made zombies cry.

me: and P.S. you cant expect the unexpected from Betsey Johnson she has been making the same dresses for 20 years.

sarah: Oh Bestey Johnson

...also making zombies cry.

me: Right?

sarah: So much.

11:02 PM me: 'Aight ladies, Ronnie's repeating his bleep up, time for me to get it on the blog.

LOVES

sarah: Muah!

11:03 PM See you all next week!

Snip: night

Snip has left

sarah has left

MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

Snip: i haven't seen a good sale in a while
9:58 PM that would really make my day
9:59 PM like, in nyc, i used to know about the secret sale rack at the gap by my work
me: i wanna shop w u again
Snip: i got corduroys for $8
me: also the gaps new stuf is fug
10:00 PM Snip: and dress pants for $12
me: also its 10pm
do you know where your guidos are?
Snip: what!!!!
all the fumes I inhaled today put me in the right frame of mind
for jersey shore
me: LOL
10:01 PM Snip: i will totally understand it now
me: LMAO
did you ever get to see last week?
Snip: "mean bone in her body" = ron
10:02 PM yes
me: so to be clear...because I'm not fully...
we established that Deena likes to toss salads?
Snip: yea
me: "I've dranken alot more"
Snip: i think he said, s*ck my d*ck
me: DRANKEN
10:03 PM Snip: and she's like, nah, but i'll lick your poo hole
me: Why does Mike give them the T-shirt:
Snip: his whole "pajamas" move is corn-y
10:04 PM also, why he does laundry so much
me: A) before getting them naked
and B) if he is just going to kick em out anyway
Snip: ewwwww
me: its probably all Corona and anabolic steroids
10:05 PM Snip: that'll do it
where's sara?
me: WTF was Jenni sleeping in?
Sarah is actually supposed to be on her way to the Lyceum to do this up live
she had a dinner tonight so she may be late
Snip: doin it LIVE!
10:06 PM oh man
me: oh RON IS BLEEDING FROM THE BUTT
Snip: or the pee pee?
me: nope.
Snip: oops, okay, but
butt*
hemroids?
also, all those damn gerbils he keeps putting up there
10:07 PM me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M17aG_Po2Y
This is making Sammi way too happy.
10:08 PM Snip: yikes
me: Wow. I know alot of people who drink alot more...and don't bleed from their assholes.
Snip: yea, i feel like they are omitting some info
10:10 PM me: Oh and a commercial for taking your date to Taco Bell
...appropriate.
Snip: 4 times the steak...
10:11 PM ...like substance!
me: LOL
Snip: it's actually squirrel, but it's squirrel steak
plus 32 leaveners and chemicals
me: You know, you have a point. "Steak" is a very broad term.
10:12 PM Oh good god. Snooki you can't masturbate. You are a cartoon poodle.
BAH.
All day?
Snip: ummmm
10:13 PM she's doing it on that tricycle right now
this is like the jersey shore version of neergaard
me: The frightningly anorexic clerk is not amused.
10:14 PM Snip: okay, you guys have $150
me: Why is Deena talking like Danny DeVito doing Robert DeNiro
10:15 PM like she literally did the DeNiro face when she said "as well"
Snip: haha
petey, dario, chris
that seems about right
me: no one on this show ever pronounces the "H" in "with"
10:16 PM annnnd Snooki's accent was ABSENT in that whole segment
10:17 PM Snip: linguists should study them
me: you were really right about Sammi and pants
Snip: what did I say before? she never wears them?
10:18 PM me: yes.
Snip: oh man
10:19 PM one of them is telling the guy she has her period
me: Well theres a man who knows what to say to get laid
Snip: the other is bemoaning her weight
they've skipped ahead to like the 3 month point
me: lmao
10:20 PM Catching shit...for being late...to your fake job.
Snip: their mating ritual is like sped up
10:21 PM me: I gotta tell you, the first Paranormal Activity scared the shit out of me.
But Shane...
mofo cold thought I was gonna get possessed and kill him.
10:22 PM Snip: haha
i totally believe it
now here's the role january jones was made for:
playing the wife of a man 20 years her senior
10:23 PM she's the perfect blend of blondeness and vapidity
me: I think the role January Jones was made for was like
dishrag
or bottle of Clorox
or any other inanimate, mundane object
10:24 PM Snip: armchair
me: BTW how is Glee in syndication ALREADY
...toothbrush
Snip: tongue.ring.
10:25 PM me: on a dude.
so gross.
Snip: HAHAHA
me: what? Snooki. NO
Snip: whale sperm
this is the most slur-tastic conversation
me: how do we jump from "engaged" to "STD"
10:26 PM Snip: well, lemme tell you
me: she is capable of speaking well
Snip: it just happens
me: but she gats so "hyannnnaaahhh"
LMAO
Snip: neal says i probably got it on a toilet seat
10:27 PM snooki is being silly
me: and Pauly D has moobs.
Snip: HAAHAHA
10:28 PM "i'd like an apology pizza"
me: Snooki cannot pull off sexy nurse.
10:29 PM Or sexy anything.
Snip: it's more like "short" something
short cashier
short Denny's waitress
me: but like
10:30 PM it looks like Beef in shirts
Snip: incongruous
"I'm ronnie. If you like bleeding from the ass..."
"...get Xenadrine!"
10:31 PM me: LMAO
Snip: i can't wait until like 20 years from now
me: I wonder if that happens from Cocaine abuse
Snip: and ronnie gets bruce jener-esque plastic surgery
10:32 PM i can picture it
me: no nose!!!
Jenni your boobs are ridiculoous
10:33 PM NO YOU DONT
YOU LOOK LIKE A BUILD A BEAR BASEBALL BEAR
Snip: HAHA
exactly
10:34 PM cooking and cleaning is a woman's job. really ronnie?
she took you to the butt doctor
me: I mean...does it really surprise you that he thinks this?
Snip: no
10:35 PM me: I dunno that Id want that much garlic if i was having ass issues
Snip: word.
what if i wore a "hustler" hat?
10:36 PM would you still be my friend?
me: I might drug you, and remove it, but yes.
Snip: i will glue it to my head
me: Though I kind of think if that was a thing you started doing
Snip: with whale sperm
me: it would be a little amazing.
JIMINY CRICKET
10:37 PM <3 keyboard cat <3
10:39 PM Snip: i'm sending you a pic of cubicle cat
and underwear cat
me: BAH
Snip: she put them on herself on laundry day
10:40 PM so i should come to ny this summer
me: Relax bro its a fake job
Snip: and we take a trip to the shore
me: YES YES YES YES YES
10:41 PM OMFG underwear cat is so cute
Snip: get the full body condoms! we're going to the shore!
me: YES YES YES YES YES
i actually think I WANT you to get a hustler hat for that
Snip: okay
10:42 PM sam's hair has to be fried
10:43 PM deena's outfit is pretty subdued
me: Oh shut up mike you know you like , condition your ball hair
All those girls have stick hair
10:44 PM ihaaatttteeewhitnnnneeeyporrrrrtttt
Snip: whitney port can't buy an emotion
me: blemish free
but still Whitney Port
10:46 PM Snip: adam sandler + jennifer aniston IN...
"Rich, No-Talent AssClowns"
in theaters Friday!
10:47 PM me: LMAO
10:48 PM Snip: somebody needs to send sammi to haiti
so girlfriend can see some real problems
me: Or like
I dunno
a Galveston walmart even
10:50 PM Snip: stork/stalk
me: wait why was the Stork joke funny?
OHHHH
Snip: puns!
they do puns!
sammi wears glasses to bed
10:51 PM so she can give ron the stinkeye all night long
10:52 PM me: This is like
exaaactly what happened last week
BRO? you called him BRO?
Snip: yep
10:53 PM dwight howard's head is too small for his body
discuss
me: Wait, they've done Real World: Las Vegas already
YES
Snip: they ran out of cities
me: Really Martin Lawrence? Really?
10:54 PM dude
Snip: they refuse to come to detroit
me: Real Housewives of Miami
looks
AMAZE
10:55 PM Snip: i haven't seen it!!
oh andy cohen
he loves those cash cows
known as housewives
10:56 PM me: I cant beleive he bangs Anderson Cooper
I mean..
Snip: nooo
me: ...I CAN
but I can't
Snip: AC can do way better
me: Right??
Snip: he's exploding...because of a drawer?
10:57 PM or because he does massive amounts of drugs?
but back to andy cohen
i think he actually has a nice body...but it doesn't match his head/look
10:58 PM kind of like that "fitness made simple" guy
me: I agree but that is true of alot of gay men
Snip: john basedow...fasedow?
10:59 PM awww...it's over
me: DUDE I MET HIM
I
MET
HIM
he is
TERRIFYING
11:00 PM Snip: details@
!
11:01 PM me: I was working in the Village and he was coming out of
(of course)
David Barton
and I SQUEALED
OMG
YOU ARE FITNESS CELEBRITY JOHN BASEDOW
and he shook my hand
it was summer and he had this tank top on that was loose fitting but cut way too low under the armpits
11:02 PM and when he grasped my hands
his neck cords just tensed up like bridge cables
and he clearly had airbrush foundation on
Snip: NO
me: very very very non human monochromatic orange
11:03 PM and I told him that I read his website and myspace
which I DID
mind you
totally ironically
11:04 PM Snip: suuuure

In which the grenade will show you her C-section.

9:59 PM sarah: it's almost time!!!!

10:02 PM me: Hai!! I'm in a cab rushing home

sarah: Be careful!

me: We appear to be Snipless so you tell me what's happening until I get to the teevee!

sarah: Ryder just showed up

10:03 PM and Snooki told Vinnie not to have sex with her again...

and he looks really unhappy about it....

and it's awkward.....

aaaaand now Snooki and Jenni are trying to change the door knobs on her house so her ex can't get in

10:04 PM which is amazing

because I can't do that either.

me: Snooki and Kim Kardashian have been tweeting to one another...

sarah: Ryder and Deena are hanging out drinking and doing shots.

me: Ryder!!!

10:05 PM Its always __ and Deena are doing shots

sarah: they're going on rides and getting wasted

HA!

it totally is!

and she's got that freaking cowboy hat on...

awww...Jenni's dogs

10:06 PM they're cute!

oh shit!

me: Those dogs are redonk

sarah: at some point vinnie is going to suggest a snooki/ryder/vinnie three way

they totally are

10:07 PM me: Aww I want vinnie and snooki to get babies

I mean

sarah: hey, can i still be a judge for the puppy show

me: Get married and have babies

YES

10:08 PM sarah: my roommate and i totally want snooki and vinnie to get married and have babies

me: Although "get babies" seems to be how they do these days

sarah: they would be orange, but awesome

that sounds so "swingers"

me: And have mini watermelon dicks

sarah: nothing wrong with that

10:09 PM also, the world does not need a Big Momma's House part 3

or 4

or whatever

oh, and it's Ryder's birthday

she's 22

me: By the way, to all our viewers at home: FUCK THIS SNOW

I imagine she's drinking to that fact

sarah: and Vinnie offered to have Ryder stay in his room

10:10 PM hellllll yeah

and Pauly D named the dogs Snooki and Ryder

...that's awesome.

It's tshirt time!

me: He already hooked up with her, right?

10:11 PM sarah: ...aaand Jenni is wearing a handkerchief.

Yeah-

but Snooki said never again.

and now they're all out, and Sammi is being all crazy because Ronnie is talking to his friend's girlfriend

10:12 PM and Vinnie is talking to some girl named Nicki Ducks

WTF?

me: But he never hooked up w Snooki right???

sarah: Not at the moment

not recently.

Vinnie has brought home some girl named Gina

10:13 PM and Sammi is going insane again.

She's drunk

and annoying

and CRAZY

me: OMG SAMMI.

sarah: Are you watching?

me: I'm watching now.

sarah: yay!

10:14 PM My roommate is singing "Please go home Sammi".

10:15 PM me: OMG Nicolas Cage.

STOP MAKING ACTION MOVIES.

sarah: He makes me sad

I used to love him.

me: Like anyone wants to watch you make an action movie.

10:16 PM sarah: certainly not

what *I* want is a sequel to Valley Girl.

10:17 PM Ninja Turtle reference FTW!!!!!

me: AMAZE

10:18 PM "Imma go blugh mhmph pzzzaa"

Mike is such a T-rex.

sarah: She is an idiot.

Mike is TOTALLY a T-rex.

me: WHOA. He is gonna have maaad 'roid rage about the pizza.

10:19 PM sarah: Duh.

Doooooood.

me: Sarah, your tears meen BLEEP to me

sarah: She's horrible, but she allows it.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

*sniff*

10:20 PM me: LMAO grenade horn!

sarah: They are totally making Pauly jump on that.

me: OMG

sarah: Grenade horn.

me: DONT GIVE THEM VUVUZELAS

10:21 PM sarah: hahahahhahaha

me: Jesus Christ.

sarah: I want to know what she likes to do

me: Thats like giving them a spray that causes anal warts.

sarah: I have a feeling it is something I might not have learned in school.

me: Oh God Jennifer Aniston you are the color beige.

sarah: Ha!

10:22 PM That movie is going to be a mess, but people will see it.

Especially if it opens around valentines day.

10:23 PM My roommate wants that burger...

me: OMG Burger King, there is no Beef, Flavor or Heat in anything you mak.e

sarah: That looks so foul...

even when I ate meat, I wouldn't eat fast food burgers.

10:24 PM They are going to break vinnie's kneecaps.

10:25 PM What! Shakespeare reference FTW!!!!!

bye bye grenade!

me: Whatever Mike,

whatever.

You are like..

super grenade.

10:26 PM You are beyond Grenade.

You are a Ballistic Missile.

sarah: Ronnie is crying

this is completely ridiculous.

me: RONNIIEEE!!!!!!

He's coming down from a coke binge

OBVS.

sarah: So much.

10:27 PM me: notice......

Jenni's accent

dissappeared

sarah: they both cheated on their s/o's, and they are both surprised they are getting dumped

me: while whispering

sarah: her boobs did not

me: LOL

sarah: That shirt is a mistake.

me: They showed her art porfolio in Star mag...

It. Is. AMAZE.

sarah: Why didn't you tell me!

I must see this!

me: She's actually WILDLY talented.

sarah: liar

10:28 PM me: Its in the one with JEN IS ADOPTING on the cover.

sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

me: Jen is never actually adopting.

sarah: omg

that is awesome

me: Jennifer Aniston would kick a baby.

sarah: Mike just asked Sammi for condoms-

-she's lying there crying.. and HE ASKED HER FOR CONDOMS.

10:29 PM This is the best episode ever!

me: OMG SAMMI

Jesus she sucks

sarah: Are you friends with her??? I'm only going to ask fifty more times.

10:30 PM What is up with Mike's pants?

me: The scabies ae trying to escape them?

10:31 PM sarah: they are Zubas!

me: PLAN B!

DRINK!

10:32 PM sarah: I want to see this...

10:33 PM what the hell is that?

10:34 PM me: SAMMI

STOP ASKING

aaaaaggghhh

sarah: She's so dumb.

Oh Vinnie, the voice of reason-

-that's not ego, guy.

10:35 PM me: Her Ego is not a brick wall

Her brain maybe.

sarah: Yes.

Way to ruin Ryder's birthday, bitch.

10:36 PM me: Wwwwwhy do they want her to stay???

she SUCKS.

sarah: Because they're faaaaaaaamily.

me: And, like, honestly with the fake....

sarah: I know,

I love when they do that.

me: "Fake" is not an insult when you have Koi-colored flesh

sarah: all the Bitches love Mike.

10:37 PM me: That dog clucks.

sarah: hahahahhaha

10:38 PM me: Also, why does Jenni call all her boyfriends "kid" when they are all CLEARLY like 38.

sarah: Because she is clearly 50.

This is her final goodbye, until next season.

me: oof Sammi

Again.

Looks.

So. Rrrough.

10:39 PM sarah: When the Macaroni Rascals go to Italy....

Is he going to cry again?

I HATE THEM SO MUCH

for real, I am about to roid rage on them

10:40 PM me: I know dude

10:41 PM also she doesnt articulate anything

she was just like "Ya don havada takeme Bahh"

also

That's enough Natalie Portman.

sarah: for real

10:42 PM well, now she's all knocked up

me: YO. Billy Elliott could GET IT.

10:43 PM sarah: ha!

me: Punching someone in the face: A bad thing.

See...

sarah: Word, yo.

me: ...there are lessons to be learned here.

10:44 PM sarah: SEE, this is why they are blind items.

10:45 PM They're... praying.

me: Punching someone in the face: Kind of Not O.K.

sarah: Whatever deity is out there is like "Please leave me out of this"

10:46 PM NO ONE believes that she can keep it classy.

10:47 PM That's awe-mazing.

me: That house DOES need a stripper pole

sarah: I was *just* thinking that

10:48 PM me: that is EXACTLY what that ouse needs

sarah: Also, I kind of want a stripper pole.

me: Such potential for injury.

sarah: My roommate just texted that we need a stripper pole also.

Well, for me getting out of bed is potential for injury.

What?! What does she like to do???

O.k, now i'm just going to speculate, and it's not going to be good....

10:50 PM ....becuase i have a horrible dirty mind...

me: Skins.

Is.

sarah: They are going to cancel it soon.

me: Aaaa show full of people i dont want to ever see reproduce.

sarah: So says the rumor mill.

10:51 PM It's kind of pedobear.

I won't watch it.

me: KEYBOARD CAT.

sarah: Awww...keyboard cat the third.

me: It is soooooo Pedobear.

10:52 PM PS I love that you read people of Wal-Mart

sarah: Hell yeah!

I love that you read Dlisted.

me: Dlisted has actually altered the way I speak.

I say "nalgas"

...all the time.

10:53 PM Oh Jason Statham.

sarah: I know.

It's sad.

10:54 PM Oh!

Lip reading skills come in handy!

10:55 PM me: you don't BLEEP but you like to BLEEP

sarah: Yes!

She likes to bleep.

me: you BLEEPED his BLEEP

He said I like to BLEEP

sarah: That's so awesome.

me: she TOTALLY bleeped his bleep, btw.

10:56 PM sarah: Why don't they just use the salad tossing euphamism and get over it?

I totally spelled that wrong.

grr

10:57 PM Good for Jenni.

I am really proud of her for being the bigger person

me: Me too. the wildly scripted bigger person but still.

PS

Chelsea Handler

10:58 PM Ugly Whore?

sarah: yeah, i saw that

I don't really watch her, but whatever, it's her job to make fun of people

also, Jenna Jameson, calling someone a whore is maybe not in your best interest..

10:59 PM ...since you were once a PORN STAR!

Jeeeez!

me: SNOOKI BONER

I know...

...but I hate Chelsea Handler so so hard.

sarah: Same here.

11:00 PM I don't think she is funny.

11:01 PM me: Shes ugly outside and in.

btw...

Was this episode brought to us by Spousal Abuse and Paper Towels??

A

MAZE

ING.