Friday, March 15, 2013

Thursday, February 17, 2011

This Show. ALWAYS with the Dirty, Bloody Poopy Ass.

sarah has joined
Snip has joined
9:58 PM sarah: hiiiii
sarah: Scary
9:59 PM me: First of all
you are not allowed
to try and be sexy
me: when you are photographed
on a near-daily basis
10:00 PM with Cheeto stains
on your crackhead weave.
10:01 PM Snip: "You like the boobs?!"
me: thank god its only acceptable to do that with boobs. I'm so glad no one does that with vaginas.
10:02 PM
sarah: Maybe he beat some sense into her and that's why she left
I'll stop now
me: Whoa he is smoking?
Snip: He is messed up
Snip: Like, on drugs.
10:03 PM me: But my thing is:
...he looks to robust to actually be on anything.
sarah: Oooomg
Snip: I love their analogies tho
sarah: SHUT UP
They really do have the best analogies.
Snip: "It's like asking a sailor to fly a plane"
"Or trying to treat herpes with suntan lotion"
me: Michael Bolton?
Knucka really is 45.
10:04 PM sarah: Annd she KEEPS going back to him
Snip: Um yes, she pretty much has been abused
10:05 PM and MTV pays him the big bucks to do so, which is sick.
(says a person who watches it...guilty!)
me: Ronnie Magro. Wearing a Kill your TV shirt.
10:06 PM On Jersey Shore
sarah: I LOVE that shirt!
me: I think he just created the paradox that will end the world.
sarah: It's sad that they don't understand irony.
Ok, how long til he's hooking up with someone else?
Snip: About 16 minutes into the episode.
10:07 PM me: I love you Pauly
sarah: I give 20?
me: Nothing is heavy in Pauly D's world.
Snip: Okay this real world commercial
sarah: I love Pauly D.
Snip: The girl says, "I don't ride cars; I ride boys"
10:08 PM You don't ride a car, moron
You drive one
or ride IN one
10:09 PM Snip: this is what happens when stupid reality show people try to have catch phrases
(see: Situation)
I blame Tim Gunn
me: I blame Tim Gunn for a lot of things
Snip: I still love him
10:10 PM me: he lost my respect when he became the face of Spanx
sarah: I've never seen the show with Tim Gunn
I am a sucky girl...
Hey, some of us need spanx.
We're not all skinny pants like you.
10:11 PM me: That sentence was priceless
"So we decide Yo, lets throw cake in Vinny's hair"
sarah: I love that they call themselves meatballs.
me: I believe you. I believe that was a carefully
deliberated decision.
10:12 PM Snip: Annnd he breaks the balloon....
sarah: You could put all their brains together and it wouldn't equal Neanderthal man...
Snip: Eeew poop!
sarah: I wish they had decided yo, let's put cake in Pauly D's hair!
Snip: Ohh she hid!
Nice move.
me: It would never come out?
sarah: I KNOW
10:13 PM It would be amazing.
me: WOW nice visible thong after 2001 Deena.
sarah: you sound surprised
You don't mess with the sleepy time toy!!
10:14 PM See, this is sad.
Snip: I have blankies
I would also be very upset
10:15 PM me: he looks like hes about to belch
sarah:I have a stuffed puppy I would also be very upset.
me: They did exactly that to my Kermit in college.
Snip: aww
10:16 PM do you still have Kermit?
Man, mike keeps ruining guy code
10:17 PM me: I don't. He disintegrated into his polyester core.
10:18 PM me: You know,
Taco Bell,
its fucking bad enough you make a burrito with Fritos in it
me: Spelling with 3's is just insult to injury
10:19 PM me: I had one of my Boss' BK french fries and it tasted like a sock that had been in the freezer since 1979.
10:20 PM sarah: Yeah
Their food leaves weird residue taste in my mouth.
Aaand that's what she said...
10:21 PM me: BAAAAH
sarah: Soooooooo nasty
sarah: That was a proud moment.
10:22 PM me: That's pretty epic...
I'd appreciate it more if I wasnt trying to set my eyeballs on fire now.
sarah: It's fairly standard Sarah.
10:23 PM Snip: Has Jwoww had lipo?
sarah: Hmm.
10:24 PM C-section???
Oh vom.
They're all so over it.
Snip: Oh man.
me: Chocolate is always the answer to spousal abuse you guys!
10:25 PM sarah: Totes!
Snip: IF it comes with a teddy bear and roses.
sarah: It's a process to be a Situation.
10:26 PM THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
me: LMAO
Snip: He gets his eyebroes waxed.
That was a typo, but I stand by it.
"Eyebroes" = bros with waxed brows.
me: I bet homey has some SPECTACULARLY groomed nuts.
I bet his nuts could walk Westminster.
sarah: I will bet you anything they all wax their chests also
Snip: Ew.
10:27 PM Awesome. Regan and I are on the same scary page again.
10:29 PM me: I feel like i may have jumped ten pages ahead of you but yeah.
sarah: Nuts was next.You beat me to it.
10:30 PM me: NU JOISY
I never noticed that before.
sarah: Are they really all this freaking stupid?
me: ...Yes?
sarah: Oh yeah.
I've seen that.
It's ridic, as the kids say.
me: Pls tell me you guys saw the jersey shore rpg on
10:31 PM sarah: Uh-huh.
Jenni and Sam are besties now.
10:32 PM me: "Snooki faints"
So cute.
10:33 PM sarah: Yay analogy!
Every time there's an awesome analogy, do a shot.
10:34 PM It is very telling that jersey shore is also brought to you by Taco Bell.
Can I just geek out for a minute about this movie?
It looks amazing...
10:35 PM ...and if it sucks, I will be sooooo sad.
me: Wait what movie I missed it????
sarah: Suckerpunch
10:36 PM me: Oh yeah, Zack Snyder owes me for Watchmen.
sarah: Watchmen wasn't that bad.
"Fresh to death"
10:37 PM me: Is he carrying the drawers with a fork?
Snip: They are blurring the panties,
SO. gross.
sarah: They must be naaaaaaasty
me: ..but dude
this show...
ALWAYS with the dirty, bloody, poopy ass.
10:38 PM sarah: Klassy.
I kinda think they're Deena's
Snip: Good Song!
sarah: "I look like trailer trash"
10:39 PM Welcome to self-awareness.
me: LMAO
OMG never in my life would I sit with a bunch of boys and talk about my constipation.
sarah: HELL no.
me: Granted, I poop like the atomic clock.
10:40 PM Actually, who am I kidding. The atomic bomb.
sarah: what is she wearing?
me: Why do you even still bother asking?
She's wearing whatever she found that was sparkly.
sarah: **sigh**
10:41 PM me: Motherfucker looks like Don Knotts Pauly... good.
Oh man Ron looks like hes been crryyyyyyying.
10:42 PM sarah: Sloppipotamus!
10:43 PM Man, if my roommate ever tried to come in and bug me while I was entertaining guests, I would have to kill her.
I don't understand why it's ok?
me: this movie is more like "Drive Filthy"
sarah: That movie is going to be more atomic clock poop than you could ever produce.
10:45 PM me: LMAO
Snip: Is one of the Olsen twins in this "beastly" movie?
me: I sort of wish the IRS would give Nicolas Cage a break so he would stop making movies.
10:46 PM sarah: I was trying to figure out who those people are.
It's Mary-Kate Olsen.
sarah: Also, NPH is in it, so I will totally see it.
This is her *boyfriend*
like, they are still together.
10:48 PM Snip: What a great way to meet!
sarah: Hee!
sarah: oh deena, you are so drunk
10:49 PM Snip: Ewww! Eww! What are those pink discs on the grill?
me: She already has such a Grandma walk.
10:50 PM Right?
Also, whatever that pink disc was..
I don't think its gonna cook on top of another pink disc.
Snip: Haha!
10:51 PM sarah: Jersey Shore is going good with the movie ads tonight.
I really have to say.
Hit that target audience.
10:52 PM I want to do roller derby, but I don't like getting hurt.
me: So, two things about this movie:
Emily Blunt has had so much stuff done to her face
and Frank Langella has a 13 inch peen....
10:53 PM sarah: I have no idea who Emily Blunt is, I don't remember ever seeing her in anything
I just always see her name.
also, go Frank Langella
he's also like 80
10:54 PM me: He could still get it in a quick second.
sarah: Hee!
me: Fucking-
why is every woman in every commercial for everything
10:55 PM I love my dry shampoo
I do not throw my hat about it.
10:56 PM Of course you will kick the door Mungo, you like to kick shit.
sarah: Dude-
10:57 PM me: Yo what is his tattoo? A Pottery Barn trivet?
Snip: They forgot the pink discs on the grill...
sarah: Why do they all do this
it's so weird...
Snip: I mean, I used to have pizza sometimes, in my younger days on the way home from the bar.
sarah: I think those are still the turkey burgers defrosting from three weeks ago?
Snip: ...but they treat it like a full meal.
10:58 PM sarah: Yeah, seriously-
when i get home drunk, the LAST thing I want to do is cook
and I love to cook.
10:59 PM Snip: He's wearing the white fossil watch
he bought it off Tbags or whatever her name was.
me: I'm still processing Mike dripping pickle on Vinny while hes fucking...
11:00 PM sarah: Ew.
me: Oh, I don't know who that band was
but that is an insult to Zombies.
Snip: The Limousines?
11:01 PM sarah: I'm not familiar...
but yeah, they made zombies cry.
me: and P.S. you cant expect the unexpected from Betsey Johnson she has been making the same dresses for 20 years.
sarah: Oh Bestey Johnson
...also making zombies cry.
me: Right?
sarah: So much.
11:02 PM me: 'Aight ladies, Ronnie's repeating his bleep up, time for me to get it on the blog.
sarah: Muah!
11:03 PM See you all next week!
Snip: night
Snip has left
sarah has left

Thursday, February 3, 2011


Snip: i haven't seen a good sale in a while
9:58 PM that would really make my day
9:59 PM like, in nyc, i used to know about the secret sale rack at the gap by my work
me: i wanna shop w u again
Snip: i got corduroys for $8
me: also the gaps new stuf is fug
10:00 PM Snip: and dress pants for $12
me: also its 10pm
do you know where your guidos are?
Snip: what!!!!
all the fumes I inhaled today put me in the right frame of mind
for jersey shore
me: LOL
10:01 PM Snip: i will totally understand it now
me: LMAO
did you ever get to see last week?
Snip: "mean bone in her body" = ron
10:02 PM yes
me: so to be clear...because I'm not fully...
we established that Deena likes to toss salads?
Snip: yea
me: "I've dranken alot more"
Snip: i think he said, s*ck my d*ck
10:03 PM Snip: and she's like, nah, but i'll lick your poo hole
me: Why does Mike give them the T-shirt:
Snip: his whole "pajamas" move is corn-y
10:04 PM also, why he does laundry so much
me: A) before getting them naked
and B) if he is just going to kick em out anyway
Snip: ewwwww
me: its probably all Corona and anabolic steroids
10:05 PM Snip: that'll do it
where's sara?
me: WTF was Jenni sleeping in?
Sarah is actually supposed to be on her way to the Lyceum to do this up live
she had a dinner tonight so she may be late
Snip: doin it LIVE!
10:06 PM oh man
Snip: or the pee pee?
me: nope.
Snip: oops, okay, but
also, all those damn gerbils he keeps putting up there
10:07 PM me:
This is making Sammi way too happy.
10:08 PM Snip: yikes
me: Wow. I know alot of people who drink alot more...and don't bleed from their assholes.
Snip: yea, i feel like they are omitting some info
10:10 PM me: Oh and a commercial for taking your date to Taco Bell
Snip: 4 times the steak...
10:11 PM substance!
me: LOL
Snip: it's actually squirrel, but it's squirrel steak
plus 32 leaveners and chemicals
me: You know, you have a point. "Steak" is a very broad term.
10:12 PM Oh good god. Snooki you can't masturbate. You are a cartoon poodle.
All day?
Snip: ummmm
10:13 PM she's doing it on that tricycle right now
this is like the jersey shore version of neergaard
me: The frightningly anorexic clerk is not amused.
10:14 PM Snip: okay, you guys have $150
me: Why is Deena talking like Danny DeVito doing Robert DeNiro
10:15 PM like she literally did the DeNiro face when she said "as well"
Snip: haha
petey, dario, chris
that seems about right
me: no one on this show ever pronounces the "H" in "with"
10:16 PM annnnd Snooki's accent was ABSENT in that whole segment
10:17 PM Snip: linguists should study them
me: you were really right about Sammi and pants
Snip: what did I say before? she never wears them?
10:18 PM me: yes.
Snip: oh man
10:19 PM one of them is telling the guy she has her period
me: Well theres a man who knows what to say to get laid
Snip: the other is bemoaning her weight
they've skipped ahead to like the 3 month point
me: lmao
10:20 PM Catching shit...for being your fake job.
Snip: their mating ritual is like sped up
10:21 PM me: I gotta tell you, the first Paranormal Activity scared the shit out of me.
But Shane...
mofo cold thought I was gonna get possessed and kill him.
10:22 PM Snip: haha
i totally believe it
now here's the role january jones was made for:
playing the wife of a man 20 years her senior
10:23 PM she's the perfect blend of blondeness and vapidity
me: I think the role January Jones was made for was like
or bottle of Clorox
or any other inanimate, mundane object
10:24 PM Snip: armchair
me: BTW how is Glee in syndication ALREADY
Snip: tongue.ring.
10:25 PM me: on a dude.
so gross.
me: what? Snooki. NO
Snip: whale sperm
this is the most slur-tastic conversation
me: how do we jump from "engaged" to "STD"
10:26 PM Snip: well, lemme tell you
me: she is capable of speaking well
Snip: it just happens
me: but she gats so "hyannnnaaahhh"
Snip: neal says i probably got it on a toilet seat
10:27 PM snooki is being silly
me: and Pauly D has moobs.
10:28 PM "i'd like an apology pizza"
me: Snooki cannot pull off sexy nurse.
10:29 PM Or sexy anything.
Snip: it's more like "short" something
short cashier
short Denny's waitress
me: but like
10:30 PM it looks like Beef in shirts
Snip: incongruous
"I'm ronnie. If you like bleeding from the ass..."
"...get Xenadrine!"
10:31 PM me: LMAO
Snip: i can't wait until like 20 years from now
me: I wonder if that happens from Cocaine abuse
Snip: and ronnie gets bruce jener-esque plastic surgery
10:32 PM i can picture it
me: no nose!!!
Jenni your boobs are ridiculoous
Snip: HAHA
10:34 PM cooking and cleaning is a woman's job. really ronnie?
she took you to the butt doctor
me: I mean...does it really surprise you that he thinks this?
Snip: no
10:35 PM me: I dunno that Id want that much garlic if i was having ass issues
Snip: word.
what if i wore a "hustler" hat?
10:36 PM would you still be my friend?
me: I might drug you, and remove it, but yes.
Snip: i will glue it to my head
me: Though I kind of think if that was a thing you started doing
Snip: with whale sperm
me: it would be a little amazing.
10:37 PM <3 keyboard cat <3
10:39 PM Snip: i'm sending you a pic of cubicle cat
and underwear cat
me: BAH
Snip: she put them on herself on laundry day
10:40 PM so i should come to ny this summer
me: Relax bro its a fake job
Snip: and we take a trip to the shore
10:41 PM OMFG underwear cat is so cute
Snip: get the full body condoms! we're going to the shore!
i actually think I WANT you to get a hustler hat for that
Snip: okay
10:42 PM sam's hair has to be fried
10:43 PM deena's outfit is pretty subdued
me: Oh shut up mike you know you like , condition your ball hair
All those girls have stick hair
10:44 PM ihaaatttteeewhitnnnneeeyporrrrrtttt
Snip: whitney port can't buy an emotion
me: blemish free
but still Whitney Port
10:46 PM Snip: adam sandler + jennifer aniston IN...
"Rich, No-Talent AssClowns"
in theaters Friday!
10:47 PM me: LMAO
10:48 PM Snip: somebody needs to send sammi to haiti
so girlfriend can see some real problems
me: Or like
I dunno
a Galveston walmart even
10:50 PM Snip: stork/stalk
me: wait why was the Stork joke funny?
Snip: puns!
they do puns!
sammi wears glasses to bed
10:51 PM so she can give ron the stinkeye all night long
10:52 PM me: This is like
exaaactly what happened last week
BRO? you called him BRO?
Snip: yep
10:53 PM dwight howard's head is too small for his body
me: Wait, they've done Real World: Las Vegas already
Snip: they ran out of cities
me: Really Martin Lawrence? Really?
10:54 PM dude
Snip: they refuse to come to detroit
me: Real Housewives of Miami
10:55 PM Snip: i haven't seen it!!
oh andy cohen
he loves those cash cows
known as housewives
10:56 PM me: I cant beleive he bangs Anderson Cooper
I mean..
Snip: nooo
me: ...I CAN
but I can't
Snip: AC can do way better
me: Right??
Snip: he's exploding...because of a drawer?
10:57 PM or because he does massive amounts of drugs?
but back to andy cohen
i think he actually has a nice body...but it doesn't match his head/look
10:58 PM kind of like that "fitness made simple" guy
me: I agree but that is true of alot of gay men
Snip: john basedow...fasedow?
10:59 PM's over
he is
11:00 PM Snip: details@
11:01 PM me: I was working in the Village and he was coming out of
(of course)
David Barton
and he shook my hand
it was summer and he had this tank top on that was loose fitting but cut way too low under the armpits
11:02 PM and when he grasped my hands
his neck cords just tensed up like bridge cables
and he clearly had airbrush foundation on
Snip: NO
me: very very very non human monochromatic orange
11:03 PM and I told him that I read his website and myspace
which I DID
mind you
totally ironically
11:04 PM Snip: suuuure

Thursday, January 27, 2011

In which the grenade will show you her C-section.

9:59 PM sarah: it's almost time!!!!
10:02 PM me: Hai!! I'm in a cab rushing home
sarah: Be careful!
me: We appear to be Snipless so you tell me what's happening until I get to the teevee!
sarah: Ryder just showed up
10:03 PM and Snooki told Vinnie not to have sex with her again...
and he looks really unhappy about it....
and it's awkward.....
aaaaand now Snooki and Jenni are trying to change the door knobs on her house so her ex can't get in
10:04 PM which is amazing
because I can't do that either.
me: Snooki and Kim Kardashian have been tweeting to one another...
sarah: Ryder and Deena are hanging out drinking and doing shots.
me: Ryder!!!
10:05 PM Its always __ and Deena are doing shots
sarah: they're going on rides and getting wasted
it totally is!
and she's got that freaking cowboy hat on...
awww...Jenni's dogs
10:06 PM they're cute!
oh shit!
me: Those dogs are redonk
sarah: at some point vinnie is going to suggest a snooki/ryder/vinnie three way
they totally are
10:07 PM me: Aww I want vinnie and snooki to get babies
I mean
sarah: hey, can i still be a judge for the puppy show
me: Get married and have babies
10:08 PM sarah: my roommate and i totally want snooki and vinnie to get married and have babies
me: Although "get babies" seems to be how they do these days
sarah: they would be orange, but awesome
that sounds so "swingers"
me: And have mini watermelon dicks
sarah: nothing wrong with that
10:09 PM also, the world does not need a Big Momma's House part 3
or 4
or whatever
oh, and it's Ryder's birthday
she's 22
me: By the way, to all our viewers at home: FUCK THIS SNOW
I imagine she's drinking to that fact
sarah: and Vinnie offered to have Ryder stay in his room
10:10 PM hellllll yeah
and Pauly D named the dogs Snooki and Ryder
...that's awesome.
It's tshirt time!
me: He already hooked up with her, right?
10:11 PM sarah: ...aaand Jenni is wearing a handkerchief.
but Snooki said never again.
and now they're all out, and Sammi is being all crazy because Ronnie is talking to his friend's girlfriend
10:12 PM and Vinnie is talking to some girl named Nicki Ducks
me: But he never hooked up w Snooki right???
sarah: Not at the moment
not recently.
Vinnie has brought home some girl named Gina
10:13 PM and Sammi is going insane again.
She's drunk
and annoying
sarah: Are you watching?
me: I'm watching now.
sarah: yay!
10:14 PM My roommate is singing "Please go home Sammi".
10:15 PM me: OMG Nicolas Cage.
sarah: He makes me sad
I used to love him.
me: Like anyone wants to watch you make an action movie.
10:16 PM sarah: certainly not
what *I* want is a sequel to Valley Girl.
10:17 PM Ninja Turtle reference FTW!!!!!
10:18 PM "Imma go blugh mhmph pzzzaa"
Mike is such a T-rex.
sarah: She is an idiot.
Mike is TOTALLY a T-rex.
me: WHOA. He is gonna have maaad 'roid rage about the pizza.
10:19 PM sarah: Duh.
me: Sarah, your tears meen BLEEP to me
sarah: She's horrible, but she allows it.
10:20 PM me: LMAO grenade horn!
sarah: They are totally making Pauly jump on that.
me: OMG
sarah: Grenade horn.
10:21 PM sarah: hahahahhahaha
me: Jesus Christ.
sarah: I want to know what she likes to do
me: Thats like giving them a spray that causes anal warts.
sarah: I have a feeling it is something I might not have learned in school.
me: Oh God Jennifer Aniston you are the color beige.
sarah: Ha!
10:22 PM That movie is going to be a mess, but people will see it.
Especially if it opens around valentines day.
10:23 PM My roommate wants that burger...
me: OMG Burger King, there is no Beef, Flavor or Heat in anything you mak.e
sarah: That looks so foul...
even when I ate meat, I wouldn't eat fast food burgers.
10:24 PM They are going to break vinnie's kneecaps.
10:25 PM What! Shakespeare reference FTW!!!!!
bye bye grenade!
me: Whatever Mike,
You are like..
super grenade.
10:26 PM You are beyond Grenade.
You are a Ballistic Missile.
sarah: Ronnie is crying
this is completely ridiculous.
me: RONNIIEEE!!!!!!
He's coming down from a coke binge
sarah: So much.
10:27 PM me: notice......
Jenni's accent
sarah: they both cheated on their s/o's, and they are both surprised they are getting dumped
me: while whispering
sarah: her boobs did not
me: LOL
sarah: That shirt is a mistake.
me: They showed her art porfolio in Star mag...
It. Is. AMAZE.
sarah: Why didn't you tell me!
I must see this!
me: She's actually WILDLY talented.
sarah: liar
10:28 PM me: Its in the one with JEN IS ADOPTING on the cover.
me: Jen is never actually adopting.
sarah: omg
that is awesome
me: Jennifer Aniston would kick a baby.
sarah: Mike just asked Sammi for condoms-
-she's lying there crying.. and HE ASKED HER FOR CONDOMS.
10:29 PM This is the best episode ever!
Jesus she sucks
sarah: Are you friends with her??? I'm only going to ask fifty more times.
10:30 PM What is up with Mike's pants?
me: The scabies ae trying to escape them?
10:31 PM sarah: they are Zubas!
me: PLAN B!
10:32 PM sarah: I want to see this...
10:33 PM what the hell is that?
10:34 PM me: SAMMI
sarah: She's so dumb.
Oh Vinnie, the voice of reason-
-that's not ego, guy.
10:35 PM me: Her Ego is not a brick wall
Her brain maybe.
sarah: Yes.
Way to ruin Ryder's birthday, bitch.
10:36 PM me: Wwwwwhy do they want her to stay???
she SUCKS.
sarah: Because they're faaaaaaaamily.
me: And, like, honestly with the fake....
sarah: I know,
I love when they do that.
me: "Fake" is not an insult when you have Koi-colored flesh
sarah: all the Bitches love Mike.
10:37 PM me: That dog clucks.
sarah: hahahahhaha
10:38 PM me: Also, why does Jenni call all her boyfriends "kid" when they are all CLEARLY like 38.
sarah: Because she is clearly 50.
This is her final goodbye, until next season.
me: oof Sammi
So. Rrrough.
10:39 PM sarah: When the Macaroni Rascals go to Italy....
Is he going to cry again?
for real, I am about to roid rage on them
10:40 PM me: I know dude
10:41 PM also she doesnt articulate anything
she was just like "Ya don havada takeme Bahh"
That's enough Natalie Portman.
sarah: for real
10:42 PM well, now she's all knocked up
me: YO. Billy Elliott could GET IT.
10:43 PM sarah: ha!
me: Punching someone in the face: A bad thing.
sarah: Word, yo.
me: ...there are lessons to be learned here.
10:44 PM sarah: SEE, this is why they are blind items.
10:45 PM They're... praying.
me: Punching someone in the face: Kind of Not O.K.
sarah: Whatever deity is out there is like "Please leave me out of this"
10:46 PM NO ONE believes that she can keep it classy.
10:47 PM That's awe-mazing.
me: That house DOES need a stripper pole
sarah: I was *just* thinking that
10:48 PM me: that is EXACTLY what that ouse needs
sarah: Also, I kind of want a stripper pole.
me: Such potential for injury.
sarah: My roommate just texted that we need a stripper pole also.
Well, for me getting out of bed is potential for injury.
What?! What does she like to do???
O.k, now i'm just going to speculate, and it's not going to be good....
10:50 PM ....becuase i have a horrible dirty mind...
me: Skins.
sarah: They are going to cancel it soon.
me: Aaaa show full of people i dont want to ever see reproduce.
sarah: So says the rumor mill.
10:51 PM It's kind of pedobear.
I won't watch it.
sarah: Awww...keyboard cat the third.
me: It is soooooo Pedobear.
10:52 PM PS I love that you read people of Wal-Mart
sarah: Hell yeah!
I love that you read Dlisted.
me: Dlisted has actually altered the way I speak.
I say "nalgas"
...all the time.
10:53 PM Oh Jason Statham.
sarah: I know.
It's sad.
10:54 PM Oh!
Lip reading skills come in handy!
10:55 PM me: you don't BLEEP but you like to BLEEP
sarah: Yes!
She likes to bleep.
me: you BLEEPED his BLEEP
He said I like to BLEEP
sarah: That's so awesome.
me: she TOTALLY bleeped his bleep, btw.
10:56 PM sarah: Why don't they just use the salad tossing euphamism and get over it?
I totally spelled that wrong.
10:57 PM Good for Jenni.
I am really proud of her for being the bigger person
me: Me too. the wildly scripted bigger person but still.
Chelsea Handler
10:58 PM Ugly Whore?
sarah: yeah, i saw that
I don't really watch her, but whatever, it's her job to make fun of people
also, Jenna Jameson, calling someone a whore is maybe not in your best interest..
10:59 PM ...since you were once a PORN STAR!
I know...
...but I hate Chelsea Handler so so hard.
sarah: Same here.
11:00 PM I don't think she is funny.
11:01 PM me: Shes ugly outside and in.
Was this episode brought to us by Spousal Abuse and Paper Towels??