9:59 PM sarah: it's almost time!!!!
10:02 PM me: Hai!! I'm in a cab rushing home
sarah: Be careful!
me: We appear to be Snipless so you tell me what's happening until I get to the teevee!
sarah: Ryder just showed up
10:03 PM and Snooki told Vinnie not to have sex with her again...
and he looks really unhappy about it....
and it's awkward.....
aaaaand now Snooki and Jenni are trying to change the door knobs on her house so her ex can't get in
10:04 PM which is amazing
because I can't do that either.
me: Snooki and Kim Kardashian have been tweeting to one another...
sarah: Ryder and Deena are hanging out drinking and doing shots.
me: Ryder!!!
10:05 PM Its always __ and Deena are doing shots
sarah: they're going on rides and getting wasted
HA!
it totally is!
and she's got that freaking cowboy hat on...
awww...Jenni's dogs
10:06 PM they're cute!
oh shit!
me: Those dogs are redonk
sarah: at some point vinnie is going to suggest a snooki/ryder/vinnie three way
they totally are
10:07 PM me: Aww I want vinnie and snooki to get babies
I mean
sarah: hey, can i still be a judge for the puppy show
me: Get married and have babies
YES
10:08 PM sarah: my roommate and i totally want snooki and vinnie to get married and have babies
me: Although "get babies" seems to be how they do these days
sarah: they would be orange, but awesome
that sounds so "swingers"
me: And have mini watermelon dicks
sarah: nothing wrong with that
10:09 PM also, the world does not need a Big Momma's House part 3
or 4
or whatever
oh, and it's Ryder's birthday
she's 22
me: By the way, to all our viewers at home: FUCK THIS SNOW
I imagine she's drinking to that fact
sarah: and Vinnie offered to have Ryder stay in his room
10:10 PM hellllll yeah
and Pauly D named the dogs Snooki and Ryder
...that's awesome.
It's tshirt time!
me: He already hooked up with her, right?
10:11 PM sarah: ...aaand Jenni is wearing a handkerchief.
Yeah-
but Snooki said never again.
and now they're all out, and Sammi is being all crazy because Ronnie is talking to his friend's girlfriend
10:12 PM and Vinnie is talking to some girl named Nicki Ducks
WTF?
me: But he never hooked up w Snooki right???
sarah: Not at the moment
not recently.
Vinnie has brought home some girl named Gina
10:13 PM and Sammi is going insane again.
She's drunk
and annoying
and CRAZY
me: OMG SAMMI.
sarah: Are you watching?
me: I'm watching now.
sarah: yay!
10:14 PM My roommate is singing "Please go home Sammi".
10:15 PM me: OMG Nicolas Cage.
STOP MAKING ACTION MOVIES.
sarah: He makes me sad
I used to love him.
me: Like anyone wants to watch you make an action movie.
10:16 PM sarah: certainly not
what *I* want is a sequel to Valley Girl.
10:17 PM Ninja Turtle reference FTW!!!!!
me: AMAZE
10:18 PM "Imma go blugh mhmph pzzzaa"
Mike is such a T-rex.
sarah: She is an idiot.
Mike is TOTALLY a T-rex.
me: WHOA. He is gonna have maaad 'roid rage about the pizza.
10:19 PM sarah: Duh.
Doooooood.
me: Sarah, your tears meen BLEEP to me
sarah: She's horrible, but she allows it.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
*sniff*
10:20 PM me: LMAO grenade horn!
sarah: They are totally making Pauly jump on that.
me: OMG
sarah: Grenade horn.
me: DONT GIVE THEM VUVUZELAS
10:21 PM sarah: hahahahhahaha
me: Jesus Christ.
sarah: I want to know what she likes to do
me: Thats like giving them a spray that causes anal warts.
sarah: I have a feeling it is something I might not have learned in school.
me: Oh God Jennifer Aniston you are the color beige.
sarah: Ha!
10:22 PM That movie is going to be a mess, but people will see it.
Especially if it opens around valentines day.
10:23 PM My roommate wants that burger...
me: OMG Burger King, there is no Beef, Flavor or Heat in anything you mak.e
sarah: That looks so foul...
even when I ate meat, I wouldn't eat fast food burgers.
10:24 PM They are going to break vinnie's kneecaps.
10:25 PM What! Shakespeare reference FTW!!!!!
bye bye grenade!
me: Whatever Mike,
whatever.
You are like..
super grenade.
10:26 PM You are beyond Grenade.
You are a Ballistic Missile.
sarah: Ronnie is crying
this is completely ridiculous.
me: RONNIIEEE!!!!!!
He's coming down from a coke binge
OBVS.
sarah: So much.
10:27 PM me: notice......
Jenni's accent
dissappeared
sarah: they both cheated on their s/o's, and they are both surprised they are getting dumped
me: while whispering
sarah: her boobs did not
me: LOL
sarah: That shirt is a mistake.
me: They showed her art porfolio in Star mag...
It. Is. AMAZE.
sarah: Why didn't you tell me!
I must see this!
me: She's actually WILDLY talented.
sarah: liar
10:28 PM me: Its in the one with JEN IS ADOPTING on the cover.
sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
me: Jen is never actually adopting.
sarah: omg
that is awesome
me: Jennifer Aniston would kick a baby.
sarah: Mike just asked Sammi for condoms-
-she's lying there crying.. and HE ASKED HER FOR CONDOMS.
10:29 PM This is the best episode ever!
me: OMG SAMMI
Jesus she sucks
sarah: Are you friends with her??? I'm only going to ask fifty more times.
10:30 PM What is up with Mike's pants?
me: The scabies ae trying to escape them?
10:31 PM sarah: they are Zubas!
me: PLAN B!
DRINK!
10:32 PM sarah: I want to see this...
10:33 PM what the hell is that?
10:34 PM me: SAMMI
STOP ASKING
aaaaaggghhh
sarah: She's so dumb.
Oh Vinnie, the voice of reason-
-that's not ego, guy.
10:35 PM me: Her Ego is not a brick wall
Her brain maybe.
sarah: Yes.
Way to ruin Ryder's birthday, bitch.
10:36 PM me: Wwwwwhy do they want her to stay???
she SUCKS.
sarah: Because they're faaaaaaaamily.
me: And, like, honestly with the fake....
sarah: I know,
I love when they do that.
me: "Fake" is not an insult when you have Koi-colored flesh
sarah: all the Bitches love Mike.
10:37 PM me: That dog clucks.
sarah: hahahahhaha
10:38 PM me: Also, why does Jenni call all her boyfriends "kid" when they are all CLEARLY like 38.
sarah: Because she is clearly 50.
This is her final goodbye, until next season.
me: oof Sammi
Again.
Looks.
So. Rrrough.
10:39 PM sarah: When the Macaroni Rascals go to Italy....
Is he going to cry again?
I HATE THEM SO MUCH
for real, I am about to roid rage on them
10:40 PM me: I know dude
10:41 PM also she doesnt articulate anything
she was just like "Ya don havada takeme Bahh"
also
That's enough Natalie Portman.
sarah: for real
10:42 PM well, now she's all knocked up
me: YO. Billy Elliott could GET IT.
10:43 PM sarah: ha!
me: Punching someone in the face: A bad thing.
See...
sarah: Word, yo.
me: ...there are lessons to be learned here.
10:44 PM sarah: SEE, this is why they are blind items.
10:45 PM They're... praying.
me: Punching someone in the face: Kind of Not O.K.
sarah: Whatever deity is out there is like "Please leave me out of this"
10:46 PM NO ONE believes that she can keep it classy.
10:47 PM That's awe-mazing.
me: That house DOES need a stripper pole
sarah: I was *just* thinking that
10:48 PM me: that is EXACTLY what that ouse needs
sarah: Also, I kind of want a stripper pole.
me: Such potential for injury.
sarah: My roommate just texted that we need a stripper pole also.
Well, for me getting out of bed is potential for injury.
What?! What does she like to do???
O.k, now i'm just going to speculate, and it's not going to be good....
10:50 PM ....becuase i have a horrible dirty mind...
me: Skins.
Is.
sarah: They are going to cancel it soon.
me: Aaaa show full of people i dont want to ever see reproduce.
sarah: So says the rumor mill.
10:51 PM It's kind of pedobear.
I won't watch it.
me: KEYBOARD CAT.
sarah: Awww...keyboard cat the third.
me: It is soooooo Pedobear.
10:52 PM PS I love that you read people of Wal-Mart
sarah: Hell yeah!
I love that you read Dlisted.
me: Dlisted has actually altered the way I speak.
I say "nalgas"
...all the time.
10:53 PM Oh Jason Statham.
sarah: I know.
It's sad.
10:54 PM Oh!
Lip reading skills come in handy!
10:55 PM me: you don't BLEEP but you like to BLEEP
sarah: Yes!
She likes to bleep.
me: you BLEEPED his BLEEP
He said I like to BLEEP
sarah: That's so awesome.
me: she TOTALLY bleeped his bleep, btw.
10:56 PM sarah: Why don't they just use the salad tossing euphamism and get over it?
I totally spelled that wrong.
grr
10:57 PM Good for Jenni.
I am really proud of her for being the bigger person
me: Me too. the wildly scripted bigger person but still.
PS
Chelsea Handler
10:58 PM Ugly Whore?
sarah: yeah, i saw that
I don't really watch her, but whatever, it's her job to make fun of people
also, Jenna Jameson, calling someone a whore is maybe not in your best interest..
10:59 PM ...since you were once a PORN STAR!
Jeeeez!
me: SNOOKI BONER
I know...
...but I hate Chelsea Handler so so hard.
sarah: Same here.
11:00 PM I don't think she is funny.
11:01 PM me: Shes ugly outside and in.
btw...
Was this episode brought to us by Spousal Abuse and Paper Towels??
A
MAZE
ING.
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