9:58 PM sarah: can I just say, I'm genuinely surprised that none of these people have been picked up on drunk and disorderlies before
me: or scabies.
sarah: well, that goes without saying
me: can I just start this convo by announcing that *I* think there is a dead hooker in my boots
sarah: the free clinic is their second home
me: cause DAMN.
be glad you on the internet.
9:59 PM sarah: a dead hooker in your boots?
Ew.
Snip: but we don't have proof that they DON'T have scabies.
Just sayin'
10:00 PM me: I mean that is true.
sarah: I'm willing to bet they have lifetime prescriptions for Valtrex
me: and Situation did get one of the PA's fired for saying they had to get tons of Valtrex for them
sarah: ha!
me: Yes. Boom. Yes.
Snip: oooh man
10:01 PM me: aaaand for like the tenth time on this show, the phrase "My vagina's out!"
Snip: like that's something that usually happens
sarah: BTW, another sign of the apocalypse would be snooki being on the nyt bestseller list this past week
Snip: Oops, the hoohoo is out again!
sarah: hey! it ALWAYS happens
Snip: "intoxication in the public"
me: Jwoww looks ROUGH
sarah: Shocker.
10:02 PM She looks better in the off season...
her stylist is there.
me: Serious phone cals on a duck are weird
sarah: I love the duck
me: WHOA. Her false eyelashes are straight going ROGUE.
sarah: ooooh...belligerent!
10:03 PM Deena is the smart one in the house
me: EVERYONE IN NEON!
sarah: Do not adjust your television set...
10:04 PM Her eye shadow might also be a drunken mistake.
me: yes Snooki, you "G" from the feet up.
10:05 PM Snip: how did jwoww get that shirt made already?
sarah: I want one!
Snip: She was in jail for 10 minutes
10:06 PM sarah: If I was in jail, my mother would KILL me
even now
Snip: "Tom, I can't deal with our relationship now, I have to make a T-shirt"
sarah: Priorities...
10:07 PM ...and I still want one of those shirts.
They are busting out the big words tonight.
me: I love that they are sponsored by pregnancy tests
me: I love that they are sponsored by pregnancy tests
sarah: well, these people shouldn't breed, so it makes sense.
10:12 PM I also what that leopard thing snooki has
Snip: MTV could barely find sponsors the first season
sarah: Weren't people boycotting the show?
Snip: because people found "guidos" so offensive.
sarah: I find them offensive, but for different reasons.
Snip: It seems they've found their target markets: Plan B and First Response.
10:13 PM sarah: Hee.
me: How does Axe body spray not sponsor this shit too?
'cause like...
Snip: They don't??
me: ...the Chegg textbook ads HAVE to be falling on deaf ears.
10:14 PM He REALLY does look like Ron
sarah: Seriously, you can smell the axe at home.
He totally does.
It's creepy.
me: Well....
...slightly gayer Ron.
Snip: I'm HOPING that stain on his pants was from a drink
10:15 PM sarah: I totally missed that.
Snip: It was quick.
sarah: Poor little Sammi, born with no sense of humor.
10:16 PM Snip: He's like, "my girlfriend...Whoops!"
sarah: This outfit is KILLING me.
me: It. Is.
...AMAZE.
sarah: SO much!
me: She did that
ON PURPOSE.
That is what she WANTED to look like
in that moment.
10:17 PM Sun hat? Night time? Whhhhy not.
Politically correct? Thesaurus?
Snip: Illiteracy is alive and well.
me: ungh....
10:18 PM Snip: Their mating rituals are so AWKWARD
sarah: YES.
Whaaaaaat?
Golden Ticket? Really?
Snip: The ticket to the HOLIDAY.
sarah: ...In a glass.
10:20 PM me: Wait I'm confused
sarah: Huh?
me: Did she also make out with real Ron?
sarah: Nope.
Just fake Ron.
me: OGODWHITNEYPORTGOAWAYIHATEYOUSOHARD.
10:21 PM sarah: I am proud to say that I have never watched an episode of The Hills
me: Me neither!
BUT... I have watched enough 300 Lb Tumor to make up for it.
sarah: Seems to be the same thing.
10:22 PM Snip: One of the more annoying things about Whitney Port
is that she pronounces "ing" "ink"
"Tell me everythink!"
sarah: maybe she's channeling Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Dahhhhlink"
me: and that she has a human being's upper body on the lower body of a growing-up Skipper doll.
10:23 PM Snip: "i was runnink to work and these guys were honkink at me"
sarah: i'm going to have to listen to that ad next time it's on
i'm totally intrigued
Snip: I don't know if she does it then.
10:24 PM sarah: Ummm...the people on South Beach are totally like these people.
Just different accents.
it's my hometown, so proud
me: God they really all do get their dresses from Walgreens.
Also.
You guys.
MY FEET.
JESUS CHRIST.
sarah: odor eaters, girl
10:25 PM Dr. Scholl's is your buddy
...and remind me not to come over :P
me: I am literally distracted.
sarah: "An avalanche of good energy"
me: That was an amazing cutaway for "avalanche"
Dayum gurl. You and I have the synergy this evening
10:26 PM HAHAHAH. There it was!
Mr. Furley reaction shot!!!
sarah: I think I like this show because it totally reminds me of high school drama awesomeness.
Yes!
Where does Jenni get her dresses?
10:27 PM Because, for real, my boobs don't fit into shit, and I would like to find dresses that fit like that.
me: Dude-
you say that
like her clothes actually FIT any other part of her body.
You want dresses that fit like hers?
sarah: Like I would wear any of that.
me: walk around vagina out
10:28 PM sarah: for my next jersey shore outing
then I can scream: "My vagina's out!" all night.
me: Please tell me why I love CGI Chester Cheetah so much.
sarah: He reminds you of M.C. Scat Cat.
10:29 PM me: HE DOES.
sarah: Poor Jennifer Aniston, relegated to playing the best friend AGAIN.
Playing Adam Sandler's best friend.
It's sad.
10:30 PM me: She is in the new Allure
sarah: I know
me: photoshopped SO heavily
sarah: the pictures are...weird
me: she really didn't need to show up for the shoot.
sarah: she looks like sex doll
me: PS...Why does Deena ALWAYS look just-fucked?
10:31 PM sarah: Her face is a mess and a half.
me: If you look at her back
-her spine is actually curving from the fake 'uns
10:32 PM WOW
this dude was like
Snip: Is Roger who she's with now?
me: Yo, what do I have in my closet that can make me look like a herpes-riddled douche bomb?
No, I think the trainer has a diff name.
sarah: Roger is who she's with at the moment.
not like, now now but then now
10:33 PM Snip: He looks like he does CrossFit
me: ...and massive amounts of anabolic steroids.
Snip: with that bandanna.
me: He looks like juiced up Ralph Macchio.
10:34 PM WHAT?
Why?
WHY???
Why are her tits just OUT??!
sarah: dude
me: WHY?
Snip: My freshman have about the same level of humor.
sarah: She's like a foot off the floor because of those things.
10:35 PM me: oh Sniplet
I fear for the future.
Snip: One of them made a 69 joke the other day.
I was like, really?
That was hilarious in like, 6th grade.,
when your teacher said, "open to page 69" and half the class would laugh, and the other half would wonder why.
10:36 PM sarah: Umm...is it bad that I still laugh?
me: to be fair...
I also make *ALOT*
sarah: I fully admit to having the same sense of humor as a twelve year old.
me: of fart jokes
Snip: yeah but theres a time and place-
sarah: agreed
me: Why is it a staple
of all Birth Control related commercials
Snip: In the middle of your Comp class...not appropriate
me: to drink coffee-
Snip: ...or clever.
me: and laugh wildly.
10:37 PM sarah: I do weep for the future
Snip: Because after you have sex you talk over coffee with your girlfriends.
me: and guffaw.
Snip: Like, "he was so big! hahah!"
sarah: Because you are burden-free now that you're not knocked up anymore.
10:38 PM me: OGOD I love her in a Thug Life hat
Snip: Yeah, Pregos can't drink coffee.
sarah: Or laugh wildly.
Snip: What other job can you wear sweatpants and a tank?
10:39 PM me: Wow. Jenni's entire sentence was just articulated as "hyaaaaaahhhhh"
sarah: I firmly believe that sweatpants should not be worn outside by women.
They just look sad.
Snip: Men either
sarah: Going to the corner store is one thing, but out, on the train, etc...no.
Snip: Cuz then you can see their junk
10:40 PM My dad actually has a no sweatpants in public rule for that reason
me: And that junk has to get adjusted ALOT cause it be JANGLIN'
Snip: Bless him.
sarah: He's a wise man.
10:41 PM Snooki's new guy looks like his muscles might be natural.
Wow, that was the worst sentence I've ever written.
me: hehehehe
PS
Snip: Danny: "now pose for the public while they buy their sweatshop T-shirts. there's a good Snooki"
me: These bitches on Teen Mom
$60,000
an
episode
FML
10:42 PM sarah: I kind of want to see single white female 2.0.
me: Me too.
PS
Snip: It freaks me out cuz those two look SO much alike
me: I never kiss my lotion bottle.
sarah: I KNOW
10:43 PM Snip: PS, how many more times will you say PS?
;P
sarah: PS
They raised the price at the Bay Ridge movie theater
me: WHY??
sarah: Sorry, I had to.
Snip: Maybe it should be psa...like, a helpful hint from Regan!
me: That was the only reason to go to there.
sarah: It's now...$9.
me: OOF
10:44 PM You know what I realized I say INCESSANTLY
sarah: and 3D is $11.
me: "Period end of sentence"
sarah: As opposed to "period no plan b needed"?
me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Snip: Wait wait...
"double panty it"?
10:45 PM sarah: I missed that
damn it!
me: Oh Snooki poops!!
She probably poops Domokun.
Snip: ...but why would u need two pairs? In case she poops through one?
10:46 PM sarah: So your vagina isn't out?
me: I mean...
when you have Vagina-outness issues as often as these ladies do-
its probably wise.
sarah: I think we should all just be happy she's wearing at least one pair, really
Snip: amen to that
10:47 PM me: BAH he has a tramp stamp
and why were they SO close up on it
Snip: To emphasize his douchiness
sarah: Because it's a man with a tramp stamp
me: but the THRUSTING.
sarah: Which, ladies... just say no to men with tramp stamps.
me: eggh.
Snip: LOL @ Pauly D!
me: SORRY JOE WILLIAMS
10:48 PM Snip: hahah poor Joe.
me: You know
Pauly's cross tattoo
REALLY
looks like a dick
sarah: it doooooooes
10:49 PM whoa...no mr. Furley reaction shot
10:50 PM does that mean it didn't happen?
me: Everyone on this show skins looks like an infrequently showered Smack addict.
NOOO. Pls Puuly totally Furleyed
Snip: KEYBOARD CAT RIP
me: Well that is the second Keyboard Cat.
10:51 PM Snip: LONG LIVE KEYBOARD CAT THE SECOND
sarah: sad
but gay kitty marriage!
happy!
me: I mean at least something Gay can get married in New York!
10:52 PM sarah: little allergy causing bastards :P
by the way, that ad always reminds me of Lauren
me: "Heres what you do, text this number then get ready for spam for the rest of your natural born life"
sarah: she pointed it out to me, the anal cancer thing
me: of course she did.
10:53 PM sarah: I associate weird things with people
me: Ronnie just looked like he had 10 minutes to film this ad
and also had to poop
WHY DOES LOUIS BLACK KEEP GETTING SPONSORSHIPS
10:54 PM don't get me wrong
I love him
but-
sarah: He's a weird choice
me: He makes me aggressively not want to buy stuff.
He's also the spokesperson for Aruba
sarah: I will say, Aruba is freaking awesome
he used to pimp that.
Ha!
me: SYNERGY
Snip: Oh no Oh no
10:55 PM the dog!
sarah: Who's watching the dog???
Snip: Someone please think of the dogs!
sarah: I wonder what the dog's name is
you know it's something amazing
Snooki's dog is named gia
Snip: See, Snooki cares about animals! spokeswoman for brooklyn mutt show
me: So is the main character in her novel!
10:56 PM "Gia Spumanti"
sarah: LOOK AT THE BRONZER
Oh my God
that's an Italian dessert
me: OMFG cute
OHAI
sarah: They are cute.
10:57 PM Snip: He left the tv?
sarah: He's a winner.
Snip: ohh, the hard drive with her boob photos
which he is now trying to sell....
10:58 PM me: Snooki is gonna have some epic Nana arms when she is old.
OHHH good call Snip
sarah: Shake Weight
me: LOL
sarah: dooood...I have to start working out again.
me: I just bought so many underpantz
WHOA wrong window
LMAO
sarah: hahahahahahahha
me: well...I mean I did.
10:59 PM Snip: So you can wear 2 at a time?
like Snooki?
me: Did they really end this episode with "We are on the brighter side of Hell????"
sarah: ...So your vagina isn't out.
me: Is this Dawson's Creek?
sarah: it's GOTH
me: HA.
Aight. Me and my vagina are gonna get this up on the blog and go home
See you ladies next week!!!!
11:00 PM sarah: Bye!
Good night, see you all next week.
Snip: Night Night all.
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