Now withe New Cast Member Sarah (doesn't want to be Sammi)

me: woooot

sarah: hello ladies

me: and we have a guest Jessica Bailey for a few mins

9:57 PM Snip: she will come at you like a squirrel monkey, that Bails

9:58 PM me: "with her pinky out winding up like shes goona take out your eye" Bailey

10:02 PM WHOA
sarah: ok

10:07 PM me: they make her loook so pathetic

Snip: it's deserved

sarah: she's a little sad

Snip: who walks on a treadmill like that? that's under age 65?

me: they are very stuck on these Ikea blankets

10:08 PM sarah: my roommate and I were discussing her boobs last week

me: but that seemed so EDITED to look slow

sarah: if they were real or nor

not

I say NO

me: noooo

Snip: they seem real to me, but I wasn't paying attention

10:09 PM sarah: no way

me: Jessica Bailey is consumed with the extension that got pulled out

10:10 PM sarah: it's kind of awesome, like something your cat might leave you as an "I love you" gift

me: like the herpes that chick will get from being double teamed

10:11 PM Snip: "I'm Ronnie, and I use Xenadrine. (that's code for blow, right?)"

sarah: he's so nasty

if she's lucky she'll only get herpes

we sing the t-shirt time song when we get ready to go

10:12 PM me: although Beef does not have herpes

Snip: I'm glad JWoww is sticking with the tranny hooker look for jersey

sarah: i think it comes naturally

it might be the only natural thing about her, in fact

Snip: haha

me: and Deena looks like a menopausal housewife

sarah: I love her though

ha!

10:13 PM Snip: she DOES

sarah: so, I totally went to Karma this past summer

it was freaking amazing

Snip: it's like, honey, didn't you leave your two high schoolers at home?

10:14 PM sarah: hmm...you're on TV, you have a camera following you around, why would someone follow you

10:15 PM me: Snooki does alot of shit in a bush

Snip: I'll say it now: I'll never three-way kiss you guys just to entertain Pauly D

sarah: I HEART SNOOKI

me: I feel like she has had no precedent in life to know that she likes bushes

but whatever

sarah: dude, no, because Jersey people are insane

10:16 PM my cousin's friend peed behind a truck even though there was a McDonald's across the street

this is a GROWN WOMAN

me: why don't they have cell phones?

sarah: I do not know

Snip: because they would be on them all the time

and that's bad TV

it's the same reason they don't have tvs, etc

sarah: it would more like real housewives of whatever

10:18 PM me: real housewives don't have TV

or motile foreheads

10:19 PM sarah: no, they sure don't

10:20 PM me: I

10:21 PM No

ick

no

sarah: I love that everything is in something with this one

me: like Vinny could get it

sarah: I'm a party in a glass

me: but like

sarah: she's a party in a body

me: bringing mike along is like

sarah: it's so dirty

not good dirty

icktastic dirty

10:22 PM Snip: what is going on with his hair?

he looks like zippy
me: you cant RELIEVE sins, Sam

sarah: oh dear lord, I thought these people couldn't enter holy ground

Snip: haha

10:27 PM me: wow Deena REALLY likes to refer to herself as a walking holiday

Snip: a walking holiday--i wonder which

yom kippur?

presidents' day?

me: I like to refer to myself as "Moseying Kwanzaa"

sarah: secretary's day

10:28 PM I am an arbor day kind of party myself

me: Oh look, there was mike on the treadmill like a 65 year old woman.....
Snip: this is all commercials

they need more content; quick, someone punch someone else in the face!

sarah: what's up with the giant banana

Snip: giant. banana.

is it a pillow?

me: well that was a nice banana he got

NICE PRODUCT PLACEMENT REDDI WHIP

10:36 PM sarah: I think it's symbolic of Ronnie's shortcomings

me: that was very philosophical about the peaches

sarah: I think one of the guys might punch her

Snip: Pauly D is like an oracle

sarah: poor Pauly D

10:37 PM Snip: they are keeping up this ruse?

that they "work"

me: literally he has fortunes on his flesh

oh stop with the jobs

you don't know how to do things

sarah: i was just thinking that

10:38 PM Snooki needs a booster seat at all times

me: Vinny is dressed like any of my uncles

Snip: "you don't know how to do things" <---HAHAHA

me: whoa WTF is w Jenni's hairline

she looks like Eddie Munster with a track

10:39 PM Snip: "sometimes, she is miserable and boring

she is a succubus; although I don't know what that word means"

-- Ronnie

10:40 PM sarah: don't all guys like girls who monopolize everything and never let them have fun

did you guys see that there was a study where women's tears turn men off

I think that when I see Sammi cry

me: LMAO

SINGLE WHITE BLAIR WALDORF

10:41 PM I think Sammi's tears are Snooki's lifeblood

sarah: I kind of want to see that

me: I picture her licking them like Cartman

"unnh unnh your tears taste so good"

sarah: that would be awesome

10:42 PM but I think it's Jenni that does the licking

wow, ok, you know what I mean

she got over missing her anniversary really fast
Snip: "walk around, see what we sell. mostly shitty, Guido-themed T shirts"

"you know the drill"

sarah: are they "working" on commission?

who cares how much they sell

10:45 PM Snip: this T-shirt guy thinks he's WAY too cool

me: of course that is what Snooki is doing when left alone

sarah: kickball...this seems like a bad idea

it's what i do when I'm left alone

me: I mean

...yeah who am I kidding

10:46 PM sarah: they're cartoon characters

Snip: this looks promising

sarah: I think I saw Wyl-E Coyote do this
sarah: how does her hair stay in place on the rides?

me: arggh

I'm too distracted by Sammi's puss face

Snip: I'm with Vinny.

10:50 PM I would not ride that

sarah: I am alone. I am utterly alone. by the time you read this, I will be gone, having...oh, never mind.

If she did jump no one would care.

me: BOOBS

oh man new date and time!!!! sheisse

10:51 PM sarah: two episodes! woo hoo!

Snip: I think they've just made this episode 20 minutes, and interspersed it with 1000 commercials

sarah: I won't even go on the cyclone let alone those rickety rides

Snip: and we will see the other half on Monday

10:52 PM sarah: that would be nice

me: yeah I am with Snip on this, nothing has happened

sarah: nothing has happened

aside from Snooki pooping in bushes

me: OMG YES I HAVE TO DO BIG SPOT

I HATE ALL COMMERCIALS

10:54 PM whoa is Ludacris in this movie just, like, as a dude?

Snip: this "No Strings Attached" movie sucks

me: yes but LUDA

sarah: it looks horrible

me: BUT LUDA

10:55 PM sarah: yes yes, but Luda

Snip: hooray Himalayan mountain ride!

me: oooo they are not gonna last this season I think

10:56 PM sarah: she's so freaking stupid

me: dang her face is CRISPY

Snip: like when Kramer covered his face in butter

10:57 PM sarah: I always feel like the color on my TV is wrong when I watch this show
me: Nah, its just in Jersey everyone is the color of an old-school Coach bag